Draft of Whispers in the Rain
In the heart of New York City, Detective Sarah Reeves stood outside the dimly lit brownstone where her latest case had begun. The rain tapped a steady rhythm against the windowpanes as she peered inside the cozy living room, now empty but for an overturned vase and a faint whiff of jasmine. Her colleague, Mike, had already combed through the scene earlier in the evening; he reported that there were no signs of forced entry or struggle.
Sarah took out her notebook and began jotting down notes on what she could see. The living room was simple yet elegant, with a large, antique wooden coffee table at its center. A photograph of a middle-aged couple adorned one wall, but Sarah's eyes lingered longer on the framed journal beside it - a journal belonging to the woman who had been found dead last night.
Sarah knew that this case would be different. The victim, Lisa, was known for her writing, and the journal hinted at a dark secret she had uncovered. As Sarah flipped through the pages, she noticed entries about meetings in abandoned buildings, coded messages, and a mysterious man named Edward.
Determined to uncover the truth, Sarah decided to start by interviewing Lisa's friends and colleagues. She began with Mark, a fellow writer who often visited Lisa at her apartment. After an hour of questions, Mark confessed that he had seen Lisa arguing with someone in a secluded alley behind the brownstone two nights ago. But when Sarah asked for more details, Mark seemed to falter, his face flushed.
Back at the station, Sarah ran over what she had learned so far and decided her next step was to visit the abandoned building where the meeting was supposed to take place. The building loomed darkly in the night, its windows cracked and boarded up. Inside, Sarah found no evidence of a recent meeting, but she discovered something else: a single, folded piece of paper with the word 'Edward' written on it.
Draft Review of Whispers in the Rain
Here are some suggestions to enhance the draft:
1. Clarify Sarah's initial state of mind or what led her there.
2. Describe the setting in more detail, using sensory language to bring it alive.
3. Develop Mike's report on the scene further; provide specific details about his findings.
4. Add emotional depth to Mark's character and reaction for a stronger narrative impact.
5. Consider showing rather than telling with Sarah's reflections.